


...And We Exhale and Roll Our Eyes in Unison

by sarken



Category: Real News RPF
Genre: Character Roulette, Doppelganger, FNFF OT, Gen, Lesbian Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-25
Updated: 2009-05-25
Packaged: 2017-10-08 05:22:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/73125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarken/pseuds/sarken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel meets a version of herself who doesn't like vermouth or women. She calls Keith.</p>
            </blockquote>





	...And We Exhale and Roll Our Eyes in Unison

**Author's Note:**

> For the FNFF "Roll the Dice" OT, where I rolled Rachel twice.

Rachel looks suspiciously at her doppelganger. "What do you mean 'I'm not gay?' How are you not gay?"

The other Rachel shrugs. "I'm not gay," she says, taking a sip of her martini. "I don't know what else you want me to say about it. I mean, it's not like I just told you I don't drink or something."

"Yeah, but there's hardly any vermouth in that thing." Rachel downs the last of last of her drink, slamming the empty highball down with too much force. "Have you at least tried it?"

"I don't think you can have a martini without vermouth."

"Not that," Rachel says, testy. She wonders if other people find her this difficult to talk to, or if her alternate self is just a particular breed of frustrating. "Lesbian sex. You might like it."

Rachel makes a face and chases the thought away with another sip of her martini. "I really don't think so."

"I can't believe I'm straight." Rachel rubs the bridge of her nose and signals the bartender for another drink. After giving the bartender explicit instructions regarding the amount of brandy in her Singapore Sling, she turns back to herself. "At least tell me you're sleeping with Keith."

"Who?"

Rachel steals what's left of her other self's martini and drinks it quickly, coughing a little as she sets it down. "You don't have a Keith? You're straight and you don't have a Keith?"

"And now I don't have a martini." She looks sadly into the empty cocktail glass, picking it up by the stem and twirling it between her fingers.

Rachel rolls her eyes, but is quickly distracted by the bartender returning with her drink. She holds up a finger as she takes the first sip, and as she sets the glass down, she points to the other Rachel. "She needs another martini," she tells the bartender. She glares at the other woman. "With lots of vermouth. I'm serious: put the gin in with an eyedropper."

The bartender nods and walks away, empty glass in his hand.

"I don't like vermouth," Rachel protests.

"You're going to learn," Rachel says, getting out her phone and scrolling through her contacts. "You're going to like vermouth and you're going to meet Keith and, somehow, you're going to have lesbian sex. I -- seriously, how do you even exist?"

-

Keith shows up an hour later and staggers backward as soon as he sees the two Rachels sitting side by side. He blinks almost comically before saying, "Have I been drinking? I could swear I just got here, and yet I find myself with a serious case of double vision..."

Rachel smiles to herself, pleased that Keith is looking to her and not the other woman who looks like her. "You're not drunk, " she says, handing him a drink, "but you're going to want to be when I tell you this."

Keith sits beside his Rachel and takes a long drink. He winces. "What the hell is in this?"

"Lots of alcohol," Rachel assures him. "Because over there is a version of me who doesn't like vermouth and has never met you. And she's straight."

Keith chokes. "Excuse me?" he manages in between coughs.

Rachel pats his back. "There's another universe where I'm straight and you're not sleeping with me."

Keith wipes his hand over his mouth. "Good to know the universe consistently hates me." He looks at the other Rachel. "You're not a lesbian?"

Frowning, she shakes her head. "You're Keith?"

"He is," Rachel cuts in, giving Keith a dirty look, "but he apparently left his manners at home."

"Either that or he choked on them," Rachel says, but she's smiling at Keith. She holds out her hand. "I'd introduce myself, but I think you already know me."

Keith reaches in front of Rachel to shake the other woman's hand. "Which is why I can say with confidence that it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Oh, gag," Rachel mutters to herself, rolling her eyes as they shake hands. Keith is leaning into her in an attempt to get closer to the other Rachel, and after only five minutes of them talking past her, edging her out, she grows irritated. She finishes her drink before getting to her feet.

"I'm going to the bathroom," she declares, but when neither of them seems to notice, she instead marches herself out to the street and hails a cab.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [flip a switch (crying out her own name)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/73149) by [sarken](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarken/pseuds/sarken)




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